I view life as a personal and spiritual journey that is often fraught with difficulties. You bring to therapy your unique situation and system of beliefs. My job as a therapist is to help you identify and remove the obstacles holding you back in the on-going journey of your life.
Many of the problems and negative feelings we experience in life are not because of the adverse circumstances outside of us. Instead, problems can often be redefined as the way we interpret these events and how we emotionally respond to them. I help you to identify your unwanted or negative emotions and to become aware of the thoughts and beliefs that sustain those emotions. By learning to listen to what you are telling yourself and then taking responsibility for your own experience you discover the source of your true happiness and the power to affect real change. I help you to evaluate the choices that you are making and to let go of the ones that bring pain and misery. Therapy works because of one simple premise: You want peace and happiness over pain and misery. But you can’t choose peace and happiness until you see clearly what you are doing to yourself.
When it comes to relationships the dynamics are still the same. We see the “problem” in our partner’s behavior instead of our own emotional reactions. By defining the source of the problem in our partner we have nothing to do but blame, control and “fix” our partner. Blame and control come from trying to change our partner into our preconceived images of how the other should be. When working with couples and families, I serve as a kind of relationship coach to assist you in developing authentic communication and learning to let go of the negative emotions that keep you disconnected from one another. By taking responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and behavior you open up the way for open, honest and direct communication and to realize the choices that are truly available to you. For couples who are interested in a more structured approach for developing open and authentic communication please visit the Marriage Counseling page.
For a more in-depth discussion about my general approach please read my article on my philosophy.