My General Approach to
Working with People
I view life as a personal and spiritual journey that is often frought with
difficulties. You bring to therapy your unique situation and system of
beliefs. My job as a therapist is to help you identify and remove the
obstacles holding you back in the on-going journey of your life.
Many of the problems and negative feelings we experience in life are not
because of the adverse circumstances outside of us. Instead, problems
can often be redefined as the way we interpret these events and how we
emotionally respond to them. I help you to identify your unwanted or
negative emotions and to become aware of the thoughts and beliefs that
sustain those emotions. By learning to listen to what you are telling
yourself and then taking responsibility for your own experience you
discover the source of your true happiness and the power to affect real
change. I help you to evaluate the choices that you are making and to let
go of the ones that bring pain and misery. Therapy works because of one
simple premise: You want peace and happiness over pain and misery.
But you can't choose peace and happiness until you see clearly what you
are doing to yourself.
When it comes to relationships the dynamics are still the same. We see
the "problem" in our partner's behavior instead of our own emotional
reactions. By defining the source of the problem in our partner we have
nothing to do but blame, control and "fix" our partner. Blame and control
come from trying to change our partner into our preconceived images of
how the other should be. When working with couples and families, I serve
as a kind of relationship coach to assist you in developing authentic
communication and learning to let go of the negative emotions that keep
you disconnected from one another. By taking responsibility for your own
thoughts, feelings and behavior you open up the way for open, honest
and direct communication and to realize the choices that are truly
available to you. For couples who are interested in a more structured
approach for developing open and authentic communication please visit
the Save Your Relationship page.
For a more in-depth discussion about my general approach please read
my article on Getting the Most out of Therapy.